musingsofacurlygirl

It’s been awhile since I sat down in one place to share what’s happening.. Sorry for the delay but I have been out making dreams come true.. I have spent the past year becoming an Ironman, trying to get smart, riding my bike in awesome places and starting a new a new job… Oh and sleeping.. But today as I was having one of the most amazing times washing my car I wondered “what am I going to be when I grow up?”

People always say to have fun and love what you do.. So then I thought I could really make a go at this car washing business until I saw the finished project. I am not a very good car washer and never mind I didn’t know how to operate the machine or that I repeatedly got tangled in the hose. In fact I think it would be more entertaining to watch me wash a car. Unfortunately, it does not look a thing like Paris Hilton’s rendition of a car wash. So alas I do not think I have a future in the car washing industry and will look to it as more of a hobby than a profession.

Other professions I know I should stay away from and purely do for fun are pedicurist, barista, singer, and bike mechanic. I have made my best attempts in these areas but could not make a successful living and could quite possibly kill me or someone else in the process.

So what does that leave me with?? Well what I realized is that I’m doing everything I have been working towards and that while I may not do it well some days doesn’t mean I should run away because we all know how much I love running!! Life is simple for me now.. Try to find the challenges in my daily life and celebrate them when I concur them. This includes washing my car in under 4 minutes! The key however, is to not be so hard on yourself when you don’t live up to some unattainable standards. Yes my car has many many MANY spots all over it. And sure there is still a lot of dirt on the roof because time ran out too fast the point is it was so fun!

Now who wants to go for a run??

I was recently asked where I have been since last April.  Well the truth is I have been stuck in the jungles of Jumanji waiting for someone to roll a five.  So a big thank you to BDW whoever you are for helping me out!   No really I have been living out my fantasy of being a Rodeo Clown, which by the way is a bull fighter in case you didn’t know.   I actually did not know that and when I made that my fantasy life.  Then I realized it involved an actual rodeo so needless to say no longer my fantasy life (oh and never mind the word rodeo is in the job title Rodeo clown).   Alas the truth is I have spent the almost past year figuring it all out.  I have missed my crazy stories in my head but replaced them with grown up things which to be honest I have not always enjoyed.  I made big girl decisions, picked up some knowledge by going back to college and even managed to get some street creed by pushing my body to become an IronWOman. 

I knew entering 2013 it was going to be full of pain and agony trying to achieve my goals.  I missed my trips to Never land and Wonderland but spent most of days at Disneyland (seriously I think I should be a rapper I am dropping some dope lyrics).  But now I’m back!  I thought I would share my new approach on life and that is when I don’t know what to do next I ask myself, “What would Liz Lemon do?”  So far the two days I have used this approach I have actually asked someone out AND sat in my stretchy pants that I bought from Walgreens and ate jalapeno chips!  Wow I am living the dream this 2014.  I just figure it’s high time we all stop being so serious and wear those Walgreens stretchy pants!  Why not? Or wear those bright red pants that everybody seems to have an opinion about… Santa and Phoebe Buffay are not the only ones who can make a red pants statement!  Wasn’t it Eleanor Roosevelt that said, “You must do the thing you think you cannot do?”   That is going to be me; wearing Walgreens stretchy red pants doing all the things I thought I could not do.  I encourage you all of you and by you all I mean the one other person reading this, to put on your Walgreens pants and do things you think you cannot do either.  We can start a movement of doing things!

So with that I will say thank you again to whoever BDW is for bringing me back to life!   Here is to doing things in 2014!

Does everybody like, I mean LOVE Rocky Balboa as much as I do?  I remember watching the movie when I was a kid..I mean grown adult because I am not old enough to have been young when Rocky started his boxing career, silly!!  So anyways Mr. Balboa, yes when I saw the movie I didn’t get what an amazing story was playing out right in front of me.  While I was not a boxing fan in my early years I could not grasp what else was happening.  I knew there were great things happening such as the love story between Adrienne and Rocky or the complicated relationship between Paulie and Rocky and why did Apollo hug Rocky after he beat him?  I still get goose bumps when I think about it.  What I didn’t realize that when I was watching this movie that it was becoming a part of who I am.  So much so that even when I graduated from College do you know what song played as I walked across the mini-stage??  Yeah eye of the tiger!  Now I’m not saying the universe was telling me I should be an Italian Boxer and move to New York but for the record I almost did.  Luckily I have very wise friends who talked me out of it.

It took me many years to realize that I like to do things the hard way or as I’m starting to call it Rocky Style.  Some of us are really slow learners and for that I blame the awesome cartoons of the 80’s like Jem and the Holograms or of course my favorite Rainbow Bright because they kept me so busy I missed out on all the really useful information like how to do things the easy way.

So I get to cross one thing off my list this year and that’s my marathon!  I am not talking about the marathon of life either!  I am not a fan of running much to the misconception of me maybe running but     I decided it was time to stop whining about and just do it.  Do it I did!  I had not been running that much and threw myself into training with great enthusiasm and what I realized is that the body is an amazing piece of machinery for the most part anyways.  It wasn’t long into my training did I develop the dreaded IT band issues which made running very painful.  While some people told me should just stop running and there were other marathons I could do later.  That was NOT an option.  I was and am tired of putting things off.  No I will run this marathon if it kills me like it did the first marathoner (well I don’t really want to die it’s more of a metaphor really).  Long story short I started having pain at mile 5-6 in my knee but it didn’t stop me I was crossing that finish line and I wanted to smile when I did it.  However, around mile 25 I think the running was getting the best of me.  Except I had what most people don’t have, amazing friends who ran with her and while I didn’t want to hear anybody’s voice but my own it was awesome to have them there to help me.  After I crossed the finish line I finally let myself cry which was something I was holding in since mile 21 when I realized I was actually going to pull this off.  So I crossed the finish line and I smiled, I cried, and after some pretzels I laughed too.  I had my Rocky Balboa moment when I was crossing the finish.  Honestly that is the only way I would do it because I roll Italian Stallion style!

Over the past few years I have had a hard time committing to things and by things I mean just about anything, for fear that I wouldn’t be able to deliver and would be considered a failure.  I know it’s the most ridiculous thing ever, well beside jelly beans for breakfast which honestly is not a bad idea.  Jelly beans and a long run might be just want the doctor ordered but I digress.   So back to the issue at hand, yes I used to be afraid to commit and for so long I didn’t understand why but now I do.  After my divorce I of course felt like some failure, like many people.  Now I could write up a whole posting on failures and give you my laundry list of failures or my actual laundry list, whichever is more interesting and funny.  If it was me I think I would pick the laundry list, I have two kids so that is a lot of laundry!  Again I digress…oh yeah failures so one of my biggest issues was committing.  Now I know what you’re thinking, “Danielle how can you have issues?”  I know I know very surprising but I have like 3 and this is one of them.  So I would not commit to anything for fear I couldn’t live up to the commitment.

Well I don’t know what happened late last year (Ok I know but again, that is another post) but I have gone commitment crazy!  I signed up for anything I could to prove to myself I could do whatever I set my mind to.  So I signed up for a marathon.  And I signed up for a master’s program.  And I signed up for an Ironman.  And I signed up for anything I could.  Well here I am a month into the year and what do you know I feel overwhelmed! Surprise surprise!! So I started to feel defeated every day.   I felt this way but everything was getting done AND I was remembering to brush my teeth!  I have got to say, “Good job Danielle-success!”

So why was I being so hard on myself?? Well I don’t think I could measure my successes.  So I created a progress report for myself to track all my successes through the day.  OH and in case you don’t remember I love Infomercials so I’m going to have my own mini- version of an infomercial right now!

• Do you feel tired and worn out from your day and not realize where all the time has gone?
• Do you feel unaccomplished and defeated by the world?
• Do you hear strange noises in the middle of night?

Sorry the last part is from Ghostbusters!  If you do I highly recommend getting yourself organized and quantifying what you actually accomplished during the day.  It feels amazing!! I have upgraded from lists and post-it notes to an actual spreadsheet with calculations and everything!  I highly recommend you do it to.  It helps me see my progress and even when I feel exhausted I can look at my spreadsheet and charts and see the actual growth.  Now I know this is not for everybody and I have actually been told I’m a little crazy so perhaps you shouldn’t take my advice but I think I’m brilliant!   Of course..so if you want to be brilliant to you should totally do it too.  If you want I will totally set you up with one!

As I sat this evening eating my dinner, which consisted of a bowl of grapes (this is not the time to lecture me on nutrition) and listening to Billy Idol, I thought in the immortal words of Ice Cube, “today was a good day.”  Nothing extraordinary happened the Lakers did not beat the Super Sonics and in fact I spent most of my day frantically going from one place to the next with a headache.  However,  all the moments I had with people were very meaningful to me.  I feel like a Pollyanna these days but I am very grateful that I know so many awesome people to whom I like to talk to!  (Side note: did I just use whom right?  I always want to use that word but am to afraid but I did it right now!  See today is awesome!)  Anyways one thing I wonder about life is does your outlook on life change after you change your view of life or does it change after your life changes??  Which came first the chicken or the egg?

I know most of us find ourselves in ruts at points in our lives and sometimes those ruts feel like the Grand Canyon.  And to get out of that rut it’s going to take a two-day backpack trip.  We all have bumps in our lives that we must get over but that’s life.  The only difference is how we choose to deal with these bumps.  Gosh I hate to say I have had my share because I know there are many people who have had a rougher road and some that have it easier.  This is where I often failed, I would then compare myself to these people and become frustrated or upset with myself and wow that is not fair.  It’s funny because we teach our children to compare and contrast things but we can’t stop doing it to ourselves.  When this happens all you can taste is sour grapes (which by the way my dinner grapes were delicious and not sour).  Once you have let this bitterness into your life you have now just become a magnet of negative thoughts about yourself or others.  Oh and please I’m so guilty biggest but I was always the target of my own negativity.  Yeah I’ll say it, I was my biggest critic and I KNOW I’m not alone.   But I don’t do that anymore.  I am my biggest fan.  I am the only person who knows how awesome I really am.  I am the one person who knows that I really mean what I say and I like to hang out with myself.  In the words of John Candy (rest in peace) “I’m a Mog, half man and half dog, I’m my own best friend”

So no thank you I will not be having sour grapes for dinner I will be having the vino….. Oh and maybe some real food too!!

Bruises are the result when broken capillaries are damaged when some type of trauma occurs.  I will also be the first to tell you that I have weak capillaries because I bruise so easily and have been asked many times if I was in some domestic abuse situation (Note: if you are being abused please stop reading this and seek help and then call me to let me know if you are ok).  I have to be honest I don’t even remember how I get most of the bruises on my body.   Of course once you have a bruise it becomes some kind of beacon for another object or some sort of a target to hit that exact spot, Game on!

However, the most painful bruises are the ones nobody can see and seem to take so much longer to heal.  These are the most common bruises that we all carry, some can just hide them better.  Some don’t bruise as easy and some just heal faster.  No matter what category you fit into, bruises hurt.   I used to wish I could be one of those people who didn’t bruise so easily but now I see it differently.  Now I like to look down and see that super awesome purple, blue, blackish tattoo on my leg and think “Oh that must have hurt.” To looking down days later to see it healing and getting lighter and lighter reminding me that bruises do go away.  They give me hope that the bruises that hurt so bad inside get lighter and lighter everyday too.  And when “something” comes along to hit that exact spot that is so painful already I just have to remember that my broken capillaries are healing, just in their own time…

I’m not really going to give you advice well just this one thing someone told me today, “all men are dogs.”  I can neither confirm nor deny that statement and I don’t know a lot about dogs so all I have to say is “no comment.”

What I do know a lot about is advice.  I know how to give it and I’m really good at it if I don’t say so myself.  I know how to listen to people giving it to me and I know how to pretend I’m actually ‘taking’ their advice.  What I did have a hard time with was taking my own advice.  And I’m not talking about that advice like ‘ you should eat 7 servings of vegetables a day.’  I’m talking about that internal voice that tells you something is not right.

I had the eternal problem of not trusting my internal advice voice.  I could listen to others talk about what they felt was right for me and I always thought “wow yeah that makes sense.”  To only find out that these people didn’t know what the heck they were talking about!  Ha I mean since I tell people what to do all the time and I barely know what I’m talking about, what was I thinking?  Of course if  we are talking about Beastie Boys or Zelda then I’m your expert!

A few years back I went though a tumultuous time  trying to figure out an issue one of my little guys was going through.  I would tell everybody my story and boy did everybody have an opinion and offer their advice to me.  I was so lost and hungry for someone to give me the answer that I bought anything they were selling.  Only to find out that those I choose to lisen to were all wrong and all that ‘advice’ I decided to follow had only prolonged finding the solution.  Talk about feeling horrible and disappointed with myself which in turn I had to forgive myself for (see the ‘Please forgive me’ post).  If I had trusted me we would have all been in a different place.  Well live and learn and learn I did.  More and more instances arose in my life where I would look to others for their input.  Which honestly I do  love to hear other people’s perspective I just needed to learn that I know what is best for me.  I know all my surrounding circumstances.  I know what feels right.  I am the one who has to live with the outcome.  So I should really be listening to me!

So if I could give you one piece of advice it would be trust yourself, you know best.  I took this advice and I’m getting better and listening to me.