Broken hearts and Rice-a-Roni

14 Nov

What is a ‘roni’ anyways?? If I was asking Bobby Brown back in the 90’s I’m pretty sure he would say “she’s a sweet ol’ girl, about the sweetest little girl in the whole wide world” But this is not about Bobby Brown’s tenderoni but rather Rice-a-Roni the San Francisco treat!

What I found was that rice-a-roni which was introduced back in 1958 had an original recipe of dry chicken soup mix with rice and macaroni…hence “roni.”  Mystery solved!  However, today the macaroni has been replaced with vermicelli pasta and apparently Rice-a-vermicelli did not flow as good.  Who knew? <Insert shrugged shoulders>

Now I am sure you are asking yourself what does broken hearts and rice-a-roni have in common?? Well nothing really but lots of carbs always helps a broken heart feel better.  Am I right??  As some of us get older (not me of course but I have heard) our hearts seem to get more bruised and creates a protective barrier and in my head I picture a red glossy shell almost like a hard candy shell (Yum).  This is a natural instinctive protective way our hearts protect us from a potential sting of loss, rejection or just expectations we had about a person/situation.

Well I am here to tell you or rather spell out for you broken hearts are AWESOME although we don’t always feel that way as we are picking up the jigsaw pieces of my heart.  It has taken me a long time to understand that you can’t break something if you never pick it up.  I have had my heart broken many times from first loves (yes there were many) to divorce to saying goodbye to friendships that have run their course or even when my expectations did not live up.  There have been easy heartbreaks that didn’t seem to faze me but what I realized is that I didn’t really love.  Now don’t get me wrong I don’t enjoy having my heart broken but it does remind me that I am still alive and EVEN have the ability to be vulnerable and open.   I have consciously taken on being more courageous and open to a broken heart rather than trying to protect a closed heart.  This path also requires me to be more open and communicate what I am feeling and what I am feeling right now is…. Hungry…. What I would love is some Rice-a Roni….. please excuse me…

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Orcas are NOT WHALES!!!

29 Oct

Hello!  Long time no talk or in our case no write, no read!  Oh how I have missed this voice in my head.  I feel it’s most appropriate to share with you something that has recently come up for me and explains where I have been.

To start off this journey I would first like to share a story with you on my discovery that Orcas are NOT killer whales!  In fact they aren’t even part of the whale family at all and are actually part of the dolphin family.  These amazing marine mammals are actually WHALE killers.  Umm that’s kind of a totally different meaning once you switch those two words around.   The Orca has been known to kill seals, sharks (yes great whites), humans (watch Black Fish) and in some reported cases – moose swimming between islands.  Now that is one bad ass whale killer!

So imagine my dismay to learn that most if not 99% of the people I tell this to have no idea that Oracs are not actually whales! Which I’m actually pretty shocked to know I have some super-secret weird knowledge on anything.  Is this how smart people feel??  What actually shocks me the most is how it seems that most of these unknowing people have no issue with it?  When I found out it rocked my world!  How could I have been taught all these years that Shamu is not a Killer whale but actually the predator of the whales?  How could people just act like they were not lied to about these creatures that we use a child transportation modules around an amusement park (look it up, it was a thing) dedicated to the belief that these are part of the family that in reality they kill?  Apparently people do not really mind as long as there an amusement park built around a false idea that we all believe.

So this began my journey of being okay in a world that is not always what you think it is.  I have many more awesome discoveries and learnings I have encounter the past few years that have made me smile, cry, laugh and sometimes feel not good enough.  I have also learned that no matter how much work you do on yourself to be okay with ever changing uncontrollable world there are still sometimes that I can’t help feeling so much passion around and want the world to feel the same level of emotion around… Like Orcas are NOT WHALES!!!!!!!!!

 

For more information on Oracs please visit the site below:

https://us.whales.org/wdc-in-action/facts-about-orcas

Car Washing Dreams

8 Sep

It’s been awhile since I sat down in one place to share what’s happening.. Sorry for the delay but I have been out making dreams come true.. I have spent the past year becoming an Ironman, trying to get smart, riding my bike in awesome places and starting a new a new job… Oh and sleeping.. But today as I was having one of the most amazing times washing my car I wondered “what am I going to be when I grow up?”

People always say to have fun and love what you do.. So then I thought I could really make a go at this car washing business until I saw the finished project. I am not a very good car washer and never mind I didn’t know how to operate the machine or that I repeatedly got tangled in the hose. In fact I think it would be more entertaining to watch me wash a car. Unfortunately, it does not look a thing like Paris Hilton’s rendition of a car wash. So alas I do not think I have a future in the car washing industry and will look to it as more of a hobby than a profession.

Other professions I know I should stay away from and purely do for fun are pedicurist, barista, singer, and bike mechanic. I have made my best attempts in these areas but could not make a successful living and could quite possibly kill me or someone else in the process.

So what does that leave me with?? Well what I realized is that I’m doing everything I have been working towards and that while I may not do it well some days doesn’t mean I should run away because we all know how much I love running!! Life is simple for me now.. Try to find the challenges in my daily life and celebrate them when I concur them. This includes washing my car in under 4 minutes! The key however, is to not be so hard on yourself when you don’t live up to some unattainable standards. Yes my car has many many MANY spots all over it. And sure there is still a lot of dirt on the roof because time ran out too fast the point is it was so fun!

Now who wants to go for a run??

Where did you come from Mr. Lizard?!

31 Jan

The other day I was in my bathroom doing bathroom stuff and I saw a Lizard in the corner! I froze! He froze! We both didn’t know what to do…. I think we both thought if we didn’t move maybe the other wouldn’t see us. I didn’t scream but I calmly removed myself from the room ran upstairs to get something to block the bottom of the door to make sure he could not leave. I returned to find him in exact the same spot. Still frozen! I calmly turned off the light and shut the door. Then I blocked the bottom of the door to make sure he didn’t get out! I trapped him. I walked away and tried to focus on my paper writing that needed tending too! Actually I did pretty good to avoid the fact that there was a baby alligator in my bathroom. Ok baby lizard but it could grow up to be an alligator!

As I sat and avoided the issue I blocked it out of my mind and kept thinking….How did it get inside? Is there a secret society of lizards living in my walls? Maybe it will just go away. Maybe I don’t ever need to use the bathroom again. Yes that it! I will block the door and never allow anybody to in that room again. He will eventually die and I don’t need to deal with it. Brilliant! That was it…I was just going to run over to the Home Depot buy some cement and get some of that police tape at the police tape store and close off the bathroom. Done! Lizard problem solved.

Then I thought MAYBE I was over reacting. I mean people have these little dudes as pets. I could surely ask him to leave like a big girl. So that is what I did. I calmly (and by calmly I mean frantically) opened the door and began to have a conversation with said lizard. I cleared my throat and looked around to make sure I was indeed alone and said “I would just like to start by saying, thank you for your visit but I am not longer housing lizards of your kind in my home.” To which he said nothing and thank goodness or else I would have another problem! So I did what every ‘normal’ person out there would do and I trapped him in Christmas popcorn tin. Who knew that when I purchased the tin it was not only a lovely snack of three different types of popcorn but also a lizard catcher! So I proceeded to scoot the lizard out trapped in the tin. Surprisingly he still did not talk, but I am pretty sure he peed. As I pushed the tin across the floor my heart was beating so hard I thought it would poop out of my chest. My hands were sweating so bad I was afraid I was going to let the tin slip and fall over and the lizard would be free in my house again. It was the longest trip of my life to my very own front door. Once I finally made it to the door I lifted up the tin and nothing came out! At this point I was ready to pass out. How could this be? Where did he go? I had a perfectly executed plan! Then out of nowhere he dropped to the outside ground. I shut and locked the door then sat on my couch and finally started breathing again!

Now I know what you must be saying, “it’s only a lizard.” True it was only a baby lizard, but I removed this creature from my life from my home. After wards I thought about all the negativity or negative energy or negative people I have removed from my life and thought, why was I afraid of a lizard. That whole night that I fretted over how the lizard got inside in the first place was a “moo point” (for my Joey fans). It did not matter how it got there. What mattered was that I took care of business when it was time.

When you finally realize that there is something icky in your life. If there is something that makes you feel bad, scared, or less than totally awesome get rid of it! Don’t ignore it or act like it will go away on its own because it won’t. It will grow and continue to consume your thoughts or in this case my bathroom!

So thank you Mr. Lizard for your visit but I am not longer housing lizards of your kind in my home!

I’m baaaaaack!

29 Jan

I was recently asked where I have been since last April.  Well the truth is I have been stuck in the jungles of Jumanji waiting for someone to roll a five.  So a big thank you to BDW whoever you are for helping me out!   No really I have been living out my fantasy of being a Rodeo Clown, which by the way is a bull fighter in case you didn’t know.   I actually did not know that and when I made that my fantasy life.  Then I realized it involved an actual rodeo so needless to say no longer my fantasy life (oh and never mind the word rodeo is in the job title Rodeo clown).   Alas the truth is I have spent the almost past year figuring it all out.  I have missed my crazy stories in my head but replaced them with grown up things which to be honest I have not always enjoyed.  I made big girl decisions, picked up some knowledge by going back to college and even managed to get some street creed by pushing my body to become an IronWOman. 

I knew entering 2013 it was going to be full of pain and agony trying to achieve my goals.  I missed my trips to Never land and Wonderland but spent most of days at Disneyland (seriously I think I should be a rapper I am dropping some dope lyrics).  But now I’m back!  I thought I would share my new approach on life and that is when I don’t know what to do next I ask myself, “What would Liz Lemon do?”  So far the two days I have used this approach I have actually asked someone out AND sat in my stretchy pants that I bought from Walgreens and ate jalapeno chips!  Wow I am living the dream this 2014.  I just figure it’s high time we all stop being so serious and wear those Walgreens stretchy pants!  Why not? Or wear those bright red pants that everybody seems to have an opinion about… Santa and Phoebe Buffay are not the only ones who can make a red pants statement!  Wasn’t it Eleanor Roosevelt that said, “You must do the thing you think you cannot do?”   That is going to be me; wearing Walgreens stretchy red pants doing all the things I thought I could not do.  I encourage you all of you and by you all I mean the one other person reading this, to put on your Walgreens pants and do things you think you cannot do either.  We can start a movement of doing things!

So with that I will say thank you again to whoever BDW is for bringing me back to life!   Here is to doing things in 2014!

Elevator rides and Swiss cheese

27 Apr

Do you ever feel like life is an elevator ride?  Some days you have your feet on the ground and other days your head is in the clouds.  Or maybe it’s just me and my head is usually in the clouds and my feet are struggling to stay on the ground. 

This year I decided would be the year of the great caterpillar to butterfly transformation.  So far I find myself often overwhelmed and going from one task to the next.  Is that normal during the chrysalis phase?  I have no idea but I never feel lazy that is for sure.  I did, however, recently find myself feeling like a block of cheese, Swiss cheese to be exact!     I felt I was losing my footing or in this analogy losing my cheese holes (I make myself laugh!).   I was running around trying to pick up my cheese all over the place.  It was rather frightening since I am sensitive to lactose.   Nonetheless I was losing my cheese and wondered where I had lost it.  Was it before the marathon I did?  Was it after?  Was it the fact that I was back in school or the fact that I’m trying to train for three different sports (which I am not that good at any I might add)?   Nah it has to be the kids, everything begins and starts with them, just ask them!  Who knows really, but in the end I did this to myself and I am not complaining because honestly I love it.  I love wondering how I am going to make it through the week with 4 assignments, 2 bike rides, 3 runs, 3 swim sessions, not to mention work, kids, their homework and trying not to eat cheese OR donuts.

I remembered while I carried more things than I should back from the cafeteria that there are always people to help.  Help hold the door, help push the elevator button and help remember that it’s the small things in life that mean so much to people.  So while I try to take over the world OR in reality try to show up to the right place on the right day with my teeth brushed I might add, I’m not alone and I just have to ask for help.  The hard part is remembering!     

 

(Please note there is no cheese in the metamorphosis process of a butterfly’s development)

Italian Stallion

7 Feb

Does everybody like, I mean LOVE Rocky Balboa as much as I do?  I remember watching the movie when I was a kid..I mean grown adult because I am not old enough to have been young when Rocky started his boxing career, silly!!  So anyways Mr. Balboa, yes when I saw the movie I didn’t get what an amazing story was playing out right in front of me.  While I was not a boxing fan in my early years I could not grasp what else was happening.  I knew there were great things happening such as the love story between Adrienne and Rocky or the complicated relationship between Paulie and Rocky and why did Apollo hug Rocky after he beat him?  I still get goose bumps when I think about it.  What I didn’t realize that when I was watching this movie that it was becoming a part of who I am.  So much so that even when I graduated from College do you know what song played as I walked across the mini-stage??  Yeah eye of the tiger!  Now I’m not saying the universe was telling me I should be an Italian Boxer and move to New York but for the record I almost did.  Luckily I have very wise friends who talked me out of it.

It took me many years to realize that I like to do things the hard way or as I’m starting to call it Rocky Style.  Some of us are really slow learners and for that I blame the awesome cartoons of the 80’s like Jem and the Holograms or of course my favorite Rainbow Bright because they kept me so busy I missed out on all the really useful information like how to do things the easy way.

So I get to cross one thing off my list this year and that’s my marathon!  I am not talking about the marathon of life either!  I am not a fan of running much to the misconception of me maybe running but     I decided it was time to stop whining about and just do it.  Do it I did!  I had not been running that much and threw myself into training with great enthusiasm and what I realized is that the body is an amazing piece of machinery for the most part anyways.  It wasn’t long into my training did I develop the dreaded IT band issues which made running very painful.  While some people told me should just stop running and there were other marathons I could do later.  That was NOT an option.  I was and am tired of putting things off.  No I will run this marathon if it kills me like it did the first marathoner (well I don’t really want to die it’s more of a metaphor really).  Long story short I started having pain at mile 5-6 in my knee but it didn’t stop me I was crossing that finish line and I wanted to smile when I did it.  However, around mile 25 I think the running was getting the best of me.  Except I had what most people don’t have, amazing friends who ran with her and while I didn’t want to hear anybody’s voice but my own it was awesome to have them there to help me.  After I crossed the finish line I finally let myself cry which was something I was holding in since mile 21 when I realized I was actually going to pull this off.  So I crossed the finish line and I smiled, I cried, and after some pretzels I laughed too.  I had my Rocky Balboa moment when I was crossing the finish.  Honestly that is the only way I would do it because I roll Italian Stallion style!

I do

25 Jan

Over the past few years I have had a hard time committing to things and by things I mean just about anything, for fear that I wouldn’t be able to deliver and would be considered a failure.  I know it’s the most ridiculous thing ever, well beside jelly beans for breakfast which honestly is not a bad idea.  Jelly beans and a long run might be just want the doctor ordered but I digress.   So back to the issue at hand, yes I used to be afraid to commit and for so long I didn’t understand why but now I do.  After my divorce I of course felt like some failure, like many people.  Now I could write up a whole posting on failures and give you my laundry list of failures or my actual laundry list, whichever is more interesting and funny.  If it was me I think I would pick the laundry list, I have two kids so that is a lot of laundry!  Again I digress…oh yeah failures so one of my biggest issues was committing.  Now I know what you’re thinking, “Danielle how can you have issues?”  I know I know very surprising but I have like 3 and this is one of them.  So I would not commit to anything for fear I couldn’t live up to the commitment.

Well I don’t know what happened late last year (Ok I know but again, that is another post) but I have gone commitment crazy!  I signed up for anything I could to prove to myself I could do whatever I set my mind to.  So I signed up for a marathon.  And I signed up for a master’s program.  And I signed up for an Ironman.  And I signed up for anything I could.  Well here I am a month into the year and what do you know I feel overwhelmed! Surprise surprise!! So I started to feel defeated every day.   I felt this way but everything was getting done AND I was remembering to brush my teeth!  I have got to say, “Good job Danielle-success!”

So why was I being so hard on myself?? Well I don’t think I could measure my successes.  So I created a progress report for myself to track all my successes through the day.  OH and in case you don’t remember I love Infomercials so I’m going to have my own mini- version of an infomercial right now!

  • Do you feel tired and worn out from your day and not realize where all the time has gone?
  • Do you feel unaccomplished and defeated by the world?
  • Do you hear strange noises in the middle of night?

Sorry the last part is from Ghostbusters!  If you do I highly recommend getting yourself organized and quantifying what you actually accomplished during the day.  It feels amazing!! I have upgraded from lists and post-it notes to an actual spreadsheet with calculations and everything!  I highly recommend you do it to.  It helps me see my progress and even when I feel exhausted I can look at my spreadsheet and charts and see the actual growth.  Now I know this is not for everybody and I have actually been told I’m a little crazy so perhaps you shouldn’t take my advice but I think I’m brilliant!   Of course..so if you want to be brilliant to you should totally do it too.  If you want I will totally set you up with one!

Skills to Pay the Bills

2 Nov

I learned something new today, I learned that you shouldn’t eat a whole loaf of pumpkin bread.  It might seem like a great idea and very delicious but in the end I promise, you will not feel good about your choice!  That’s not all I learned today and while that is very valuable information I’m not sure it is relevant to everyone since maybe I am the only person who makes bad food choices!  What I did learn today could possibly change your life!  Or provide great insight into the lives and thinking of others, in which case you would be eternally grateful to me then that would change my life.  However, I think the reality is that you already know what I’m about to tell you.

I have learned a new skill and this new skill has a very new school name called “Insaning.”  I realize now that my children have been insaning me since I created them.  I will now give you an example of insaning in its early stages.  I was asked by my very sweet child how someone gets a book published.  Of course I was asked this because I’m the smartest person alive and know all the answers to all of the worlds problems and solve them everyday one missing toy at a time.  So I proceed to give my very knowledgable answer of how the publishing world works by saying and I quote, “you write a story and send it to a person who has a lot of money and book making supplies and they decide if they want to turn your story into a book.”  Pretty awesome, right?  Yeah he thought so too!  So the next question was “what if they do not want to make my book?”  I feel stumped for a moment but nonetheless pull out another amazing answer, “well then you ask someone else or rewrite and send it back to them.”  So that is just not good enough and he replies “what happens if you just keep asking them till they say yes?”  I stopped for a moment and asked “what do you mean?”  He said “well the way I want you to take me the store I just keep asking you till you take me.”  It was then that I realized that all these years I had been “tricked” into taking him to the store!  This of course is where it starts.

To give you more insight into the art of insaning people, I recently learned that a person who will remain nameless, is a self proclaimed expert on this and gave me the formula for this skill.  I will now share this formula with you!

Step 1: Talk in circles (I think this means walk in a circle while talking)

Step 2: Ask questions (What kind of car does your friend drive?)

Step 3: Ignore facts (That is not a hurricane it’s just a drizzle with some wind)

Step 4: Whine a little (My feet hurt)

Step 5: Make them feel obligated (You owe me)

Step 6: Repeat step 1-5 until the person will do anything to make the insanity stop.

When you get what you want you have officially insaned the other person.  And that my friends is how you “insane” someone.  I know realize that most of my life I have been playing right into the hands of these insanely crazy people who do whatever it takes to get what they want and while I am shocked and appalled I am also in awe of those who have mastered this skill.  So next time I want something you better watch out because I know exactly how to insane someone.

Sour Grapes or Vino

4 Oct

As I sat this evening eating my dinner, which consisted of a bowl of grapes (this is not the time to lecture me on nutrition) and listening to Billy Idol, I thought in the immortal words of Ice Cube, “today was a good day.”  Nothing extraordinary happened the Lakers did not beat the Super Sonics and in fact I spent most of my day frantically going from one place to the next with a headache.  However,  all the moments I had with people were very meaningful to me.  I feel like a Pollyanna these days but I am very grateful that I know so many awesome people to whom I like to talk to!  (Side note: did I just use whom right?  I always want to use that word but am to afraid but I did it right now!  See today is awesome!)  Anyways one thing I wonder about life is does your outlook on life change after you change your view of life or does it change after your life changes??  Which came first the chicken or the egg?

I know most of us find ourselves in ruts at points in our lives and sometimes those ruts feel like the Grand Canyon.  And to get out of that rut it’s going to take a two-day backpack trip.  We all have bumps in our lives that we must get over but that’s life.  The only difference is how we choose to deal with these bumps.  Gosh I hate to say I have had my share because I know there are many people who have had a rougher road and some that have it easier.  This is where I often failed, I would then compare myself to these people and become frustrated or upset with myself and wow that is not fair.  It’s funny because we teach our children to compare and contrast things but we can’t stop doing it to ourselves.  When this happens all you can taste is sour grapes (which by the way my dinner grapes were delicious and not sour).  Once you have let this bitterness into your life you have now just become a magnet of negative thoughts about yourself or others.  Oh and please I’m so guilty biggest but I was always the target of my own negativity.  Yeah I’ll say it, I was my biggest critic and I KNOW I’m not alone.   But I don’t do that anymore.  I am my biggest fan.  I am the only person who knows how awesome I really am.  I am the one person who knows that I really mean what I say and I like to hang out with myself.  In the words of John Candy (rest in peace) “I’m a Mog, half man and half dog, I’m my own best friend”

So no thank you I will not be having sour grapes for dinner I will be having the vino….. Oh and maybe some real food too!!

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