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Skills to Pay the Bills

2 Nov

I learned something new today, I learned that you shouldn’t eat a whole loaf of pumpkin bread.  It might seem like a great idea and very delicious but in the end I promise, you will not feel good about your choice!  That’s not all I learned today and while that is very valuable information I’m not sure it is relevant to everyone since maybe I am the only person who makes bad food choices!  What I did learn today could possibly change your life!  Or provide great insight into the lives and thinking of others, in which case you would be eternally grateful to me then that would change my life.  However, I think the reality is that you already know what I’m about to tell you.

I have learned a new skill and this new skill has a very new school name called “Insaning.”  I realize now that my children have been insaning me since I created them.  I will now give you an example of insaning in its early stages.  I was asked by my very sweet child how someone gets a book published.  Of course I was asked this because I’m the smartest person alive and know all the answers to all of the worlds problems and solve them everyday one missing toy at a time.  So I proceed to give my very knowledgable answer of how the publishing world works by saying and I quote, “you write a story and send it to a person who has a lot of money and book making supplies and they decide if they want to turn your story into a book.”  Pretty awesome, right?  Yeah he thought so too!  So the next question was “what if they do not want to make my book?”  I feel stumped for a moment but nonetheless pull out another amazing answer, “well then you ask someone else or rewrite and send it back to them.”  So that is just not good enough and he replies “what happens if you just keep asking them till they say yes?”  I stopped for a moment and asked “what do you mean?”  He said “well the way I want you to take me the store I just keep asking you till you take me.”  It was then that I realized that all these years I had been “tricked” into taking him to the store!  This of course is where it starts.

To give you more insight into the art of insaning people, I recently learned that a person who will remain nameless, is a self proclaimed expert on this and gave me the formula for this skill.  I will now share this formula with you!

Step 1: Talk in circles (I think this means walk in a circle while talking)

Step 2: Ask questions (What kind of car does your friend drive?)

Step 3: Ignore facts (That is not a hurricane it’s just a drizzle with some wind)

Step 4: Whine a little (My feet hurt)

Step 5: Make them feel obligated (You owe me)

Step 6: Repeat step 1-5 until the person will do anything to make the insanity stop.

When you get what you want you have officially insaned the other person.  And that my friends is how you “insane” someone.  I know realize that most of my life I have been playing right into the hands of these insanely crazy people who do whatever it takes to get what they want and while I am shocked and appalled I am also in awe of those who have mastered this skill.  So next time I want something you better watch out because I know exactly how to insane someone.

Soul Mates: To be or not to be

29 Aug

In Aristophanes’s speech from Plato’s Symposium we are given a greek mythology explanation of soul mates.  While it is very interesting and makes me feel smart to read it all I will not put you through what I went though so I will paraphrase for you.  Basically two ‘beings’ would come together to form another ‘being’ and when Zeus was all stressing out that this super happy double life ‘being’ might be stronger than the Gods, ‘it’ had to be destroyed.  His plan, to cut this ‘being’ up!  Oh and I’m not talking about the music ‘cut it up’ I’m talking going Samurai sword on them and dismembering their bodies into what the human body appears to us today.  By the way I think this is a very logical explanation of why our bodies are shaped the way they are.  Any how his reasoning was that two beings (the earth kind) would constantly be in search of their other half and when they found them they would finally be complete.  The End.

While that is a very interesting take of the creation of humans and the definition of soul mates I think we can all agree that a more common definition is that there is a deep shared feeling or connection with another person.  Of course these connections can be on many different levels such as compatibility, spirituality, love, sexuality, or intimacy.  Now I could spend a lot of time on each of these topics well some more than others but hey this is a family blog!  I recently found myself lost in the world without my other half, again not for this blog topic and wondered if there was even such a thing as a soul mate.  Is this something we want to believe in so bad so we don’t feel alone in the world?  Obviously not since the those crazy Greeks were talking soul mates before most of us were here.  Yes I said most, you know who you are.

I did my own soul searching because doesn’t it make sense that we know our own soul before we can find that other half of ourself out there?   Well during my searching I found something.  I found that I have many deep connections with people and things.  Yes I sad things.  I love riding my bike and when I’m out there on my bike I feel it my soul.  I know I sound like a five-year old but have you ever seen a five-year old on their bike?  They are unbelievably happy and I know exactly what that feels like.  My bike is my soul-mate.  Do you have a favorite band or music?  When I turn on the Beastie Boys I feel they GET me.  They are all over the place but still saying something you just have to listen closely to get the message, this something I completely relate to.  The Beastie Boys are a soul mates.

During this journey of realizing the things that make my soul sing and bring me happiness I also discovered that it is possible to give birth to your soul mate or in my case mates.  Don’t worry it’s not as gross as it sounds I am referring to my own two amazing boys who make me insane and insanely happy.  One day when I was sitting there wondering how I got to this place and by this place I am referring to the McDonald’s playground in the craziest town (I will not tell you the name of that town for the sake of my safety).  I looked at them and it hit me with those toothless smiles and realized I am who I am because of them and I want to be better for them.   That’s when it hit me, THEY were my soul mates and no matter what else happens in my life or other crazy place I end up with them (Legoland for my birthday) I’m with the only two people who matter in my crazy life.  I even know the exact times I fell in love with them but I will save that for another blog.

So next time someone asks me if I believe in soul mates I know that answer because for so long I didn’t know what to say.  The answer is I do and coffee is my soul mate! It gets me and tastes delicious!

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